


BuzzFeed Unsolved: Captain America

by GoringWriting



Series: Tony Stark's Poly Protectors [28]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Buzzfeed Unsolved References, Civil War Team Iron Man, M/M, Not Steve Friendly, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoringWriting/pseuds/GoringWriting
Summary: Prompt: With people seeing Steve harassing Tony and Bucky, and how Bucky doesn't like Steve. And then they start wondering, if maybe this guy really isn't the real Steve Rogers, but a lookalike who got stuck in the costume by Shield/Hydra to fool them. No one knows him, after all, but Bucky would notice the difference... And people start to turn against him...I always like it when Steve has to face consequences for his actions, and people not believing him that he is the real Steve Rogers will hit him hard, I think XD





	BuzzFeed Unsolved: Captain America

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ashray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashray/gifts).



“Oh my god!” Peter shouts and Tony, along with all his husbands go running through the rooms to make sure he’s okay.

 

They find him, Harley, Kami doubled over, laughing so hard that there are tears coming out of their eyes, a laptop open to Youtube on the coffee table in front of them.

 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Tony demands the kids and they simply point at the laptop and giggle harder. Tony stares at them and then at the screen which had gone dark from inactivity...how long have the kids been laughing. 

 

Tony reaches out and tentatively moves the mouse and the video screen pops up and Tony reads the title.

 

“What’s it say?” Quill asks trying to peer over everyone else.

 

“BuzzFeed Unsolved True Crime: Is Captain America really Captain America,” Tony says trying to keep the smile off his face as the kids burst into giggles once again and this time Maria, fresh from a nap and riding into the room on Levi joins them.

 

“You guys have to see this,” Harley says and he turns the volume up on the computer and they all snag a spot on the floor or couch, Loki getting the most comfy spot due to his condition. 

 

“Good evening and god bless America,” Ryan says as he opens his folder that’s even been painted red, white, and blue.

 

“That looks like it belongs to a blonde guy from down South,” Shane says and Ryan ignores him.

 

“Today we are going to talk about Captain America and whether or not the Star Spangled Man with a Plan is really still walking amongst us,” Ryan says.

 

“Of course he is. Who else would be under the suit?” Shane asks.

 

“We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s go over what we know,” Ryan says and the screen goes black before a pic of Rogers before the serum appears on screen and Tony vows to talk to a certain ex-hacker.

 

“On July 4th 1918 Steven Grant Rogers is born in Brooklyn New York. During his life he suffers many illnesses in his life. Asthma, which was at the time believed to be a psychosomatic illness and therefore a mental disorder, he also had exposure to TB, Flat feet, Scarlet Fever, a disposition towards diabetes, pernicious anaemia which can cause neurological damage, stomach ulcers, arrhythmia, he was apparently partially deaf, he had scoliosis, and an astigmatism.” as they talk Tony watches Roger’s medical files and enlistment forms flash across the screen and Tony realizes he is going to have an even longer talk with the ex-hacker.

 

“Jesus fuck. How is he alive?” Stephen whispers under his breath.

 

“Spite,” Bucky says cryptically.

 

“Whoa, that’s a lot of illnesses, but wait Diabetes? Where does it say that?” Shane asks, his words appearing on the black screen.

 

“It says on his enlistment form that he has a parent or sibling with diabetes and diabetes was a disqualifier from service. He was only child and his father served in WW1 meaning his mother was caring for his exceedingly ill son while also being diabetic and eventually having TB herself,” Ryan says, his words appearing on screen along with the form in question with the relevant part circled.

 

“Wait why are there multiple enlistment forms with different information?” Shane asks.

 

“Well when he enlisted the first time he was classified as 4F, unfit for duty,” Ryan says.

 

“Why? Just because he was small and ill?” Shane asks.

 

“Shane, think about the illnesses he had okay. He was partially deaf and had poor eyesight because of his astigmatism. Meaning he wouldn’t be able to hear orders on the battlefield or see where he was shooting,” Ryan says.

 

“Okay…”

 

“He also had pernicious anaemia which means his body couldn’t break down B12. The only treatment available between 1918 and 1928 would have been to eat half a pound of raw liver a day or drink more than a pint of raw liver juice per day. In 1928 a medicine that halved that necessity was created. But I doubt the army was going to waste money on it just so he could join. Especially with all his other illnesses,” Ryan says.

 

“But what does all that have to do with all the conflicting information on these enlistment forms?” Shane asks.

 

“Because after that first attempt he tried again and again, each time changing information on them so that he might be able to get into the army again. So, he put down false information,” Ryan says.

 

“Wait, wait!” Shane’s voice calls out and the screen returns to the two men sitting at the table once again, Shane’s phone is in his hand and he says, “it says here that lying on those forms was a crime.”

 

“Yes, it was. Because the US Army has to protect their soldiers,” Ryan says.

 

“Wait...I get protecting Cap by not letting him in when he was small. But, how would that protect the other soldiers?” 

 

“Because no man left behind. If he were to suffer an asthma attack on the field or not be able to fun fast enough someone would have to help him. Endangering them,” Ryan says.

 

“So...he gets into project insight and it makes him big,” Shane says.

 

“Yes. The serum used on him made him bigger, stronger and healthier. Still not clear on how it fixed the inherited issues but okay science is weird. Originally the idea was to make an army of men just like him. Unfortunately the serum and it's maker were lost and we ended up with just the one,” Ryan says.

 

“But what about Buc…”

 

“We'll get to that. So, Cap is pulled out of basic and put on tour to raise bonds.”

 

“What does that mean he got pulled out of Basic?”

 

“It means he can barely be called a Private let alone a Captain. It also means he doesn't have a lot of the training he's supposed to have. Okay so we all know the rest of the story. He disobeys orders and runs into an active war zone. Frees a bunch of prisoners including his friend Bucky, starts a team, and then goes into the ice to save the world. Fast forward about seventy years. There are aliens running around New York and suddenly there's a man in the Captain America uniform fighting the aliens alongside the Hulk and Tony Stark. He came out of nowhere. Now there are a two popular theories and one slightly less popular one about who's under the mask,” Ryan says.

 

“The first Theory is that it is actually Steve Rogers. That the ice and serum acted as a poor man's cryogenics. Preserving him until he could be revived.”

 

“I don't see how it could be anything else,” Shane says.

 

“Well the man points against this theory are that Howard Stark spent decades looking for him in every area of the world. Are we to believe that SHIELD, a shadow agency founded after he already went into the ice managed to do what Howard Stark, the brightest mind at the time, couldn't? Not to mention that the cryogenics we have now aren't good enough to do what people want us to believe happened naturally.”

 

“But I think the strongest piece of evidence is Bucky Barnes. Like we were discussing earlier. Bucky Barnes was his best friend practically brother. Cap saved him from being a Nazi prisoner. Now we've all seen the viral video of Bucky threatening Cap. Now the question is why would he do that to his best friend and savior? Unless that's not really our Cap…”

 

“Oh believe me. That's Steve. No one else is that pig headed,” Bucky mutters under his breath.

 

“Bucky is also half the proof for the second theory. Bucky, who is supposedly also a super soldier received a knock off version of the serum from HYDRA and The Hulk resulted from an attempt to recreate the serum. So... who's to say this SHIELD didn't develop their own perfect or near perfect version of the serum... not want HYDRA to know they did it so they find a guy with the right features and give it to him and say it was Cap.”

 

“And the third theory?”

 

“That he isn't human. This is a crack theory due to the fact that it would involve shapeshifting aliens but as far as I know those don't exist. God I hope they don't exist.”

 

The show ends and Tony is sitting there lips pressed together trying not to laugh.

 

Bucky breaks first and when his laughter breaks the silence everyone seems to start laughing. 

 

“Oh my God. Rogers is going to shit a brick if he sees this,” Tony says wiping tears from his eyes.

 

“I can't believe they actually did an episode about it,” Peter says breathless from laughing.

 

“I'm still going to be having a chat with a certain flower about releasing classified documentation,” Tony says pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

Tony thinks that YouTube video is the end of it until he starts seeing several talk shows doing their own version of the story.

 

He could sue them probably but does he really want to? Not for Rogers that's for sure.

 

People write papers about why the story of Cap is questionable and papers trying to prove or disprove the viability of the ice freezing him and what it would have done to his mind.

 

It gets to the point where #notmycap starts trending on Twitter.

 

“Sir, I have yet to see how Miss Johnson could have accessed any of the information. The only one who has it would have been the people directly involved in WWII with him,” JARVIS says.

 

“Or the son of one of them,” Tony says shredding some papers he had left lying around when Daisy last visited.


End file.
